a buddy of my ex-boyfriend verbally attacked me at work — Ask a Supervisor

A reader writes:

I’ve been working for a big company for just a few years now.

Lately, Joe began a brand new job right here; he’s a buddy of an ex-boyfriend I not too long ago broke up with (and who continues to be bitter concerning the breakup, though I’ve moved on).

I bought a brand new workplace area at the moment and our senior Supervisor requested Joe and one other new group member to return assist clear up my new workplace for me. As we have been standing within the workplace cleansing, I requested Joe if he may wipe a nook I couldn’t attain.

He raised his voice at me, telling me that he refuses to talk with me and he solely takes orders from our senior supervisor. He’s apparently nonetheless indignant about my breaking apart along with his buddy and holds a grudge in opposition to me.

He made an embarrassing scene and I instructed him he was free to cease cleansing; that I may handle it myself, since I’m not an enormous fan of drama; and that frankly, I felt disrespected by him and his sudden anger towards me in knowledgeable setting.

I really feel this interplay is a nasty signal of issues to return between me and Joe. Whereas I’ve no downside working with him in knowledgeable setting, it appears he will probably be having a difficulty with something and every thing I say any further.

How would you deal with this case? Despite the fact that I’ve been on the firm longer and he’s new, I’m fearful to talk as much as anybody else in case I’m the one who’s blamed for the unhealthy blood between Joe and myself.

I additionally don’t wish to be see as somebody who’s concerned with drama. I’m a mean performer however nothing particular and don’t need this to ding my repute.

Oh nooooo, you’ve bought to fill your supervisor in. This isn’t one thing you must attempt to deal with by your self.

I get why you’re hesitant to — you don’t wish to look like you may have any a part of this drama, and also you’re anxious you received’t be capable to keep away from that.

However this man raised his voice to you and stated he refuses to talk to you. That’s unacceptable at work. And it’s due to his loyalty to your ex? He’s an ass who must be significantly slapped down by his supervisor, and that’s if he’s stored on in any respect. (If a brand new rent did this on my group, we’d virtually actually be parting methods over it. It’s such unhealthy judgment and so over the road that’s exhausting to think about a state of affairs the place I’d hold somebody new who did this.)

Your boss must know precisely what occurred. You’re not going to appear such as you’re concerned with drama, since you’ve labored there for years so presumably they already know you’re not a drama llama. You’re going to appear like a standard one that is recoiling in a really regular means after a model new rent exploded with hostility at you.

Body it as, “I don’t know the best way to deal with this and it looks as if a extremely severe factor, so I wish to fill you in and allow you to take it from right here.”

It’s not inflicting drama to let your boss learn about a raging fireplace down the corridor. You aren’t the hearth. You’re the individual involved that there’s a fireplace.

I believe the drama fear is developing as a result of that is about relationships and exes and indignant buddies, and that feels very dramatic … but it surely’s not actually about any of that. It’s a couple of new rent who attacked you with none provocation and introduced he received’t converse to you. That’s it.

That’s to not say you don’t want to clarify to your boss why he stated it — you do, as a result of she must know he has a grudge over you ending issues along with his buddy as a way to perceive how tousled that is — however your function on this isn’t “drama-causing ex.” Your function is “skilled worker reporting one thing severe and unacceptable.” The truth is, the entire level is that you don’t have any curiosity in bringing your private life into work; he’s the one who does.

Inform your boss at the moment. It will get weirder the longer you wait, and there’s a threat of this assclown inflicting extra issues.

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